Friday, September 7, 2012

Why I need a steward AND a bard

I play video games a lot.

When I was two my parents got the original NES for Christmas for themselves. Or maybe for us. I think it was one of those things where they secretly got it for us but then figured they would end up playing it. Sadly, neither of them could really understand how to get Mario Golf to work the right way. Lucky for my parents they had an awesome baby who toddled her way over to the game system, sat down, and went to work on beating every single game they had.

One of the best memories of being with my mom are when, in the mornings after my dad had left for work and my sisters went off to school for the day, we would go in my room where the NES was and she would play Super Mario with me. I'd be Mario and she would be Luigi. When we got to the sewer level (for those who remember this) she would always die and I would keep playing and showing her how to get around the different obstacles. I'm sure she was really bored during all of this but she listened to everything I said. Even if it was probably mostly gibberish.

To this day I still love video games. I used to play against the guys in college and win. When my sisters and I tried playing together, I always won and then someone ended up in tears of trying to knock the controller out of my hands. When I get in the car to's still like a video game to me. Not that I figure I can sideswipe a building and still survive, but staying on the road and not, ya know, getting hit.

Which leads me to Skyrim. For anyone who doesn't play video games you should skip this post. Go back and read other posts. Or go find a blog that makes sense. There's bound to be one out there. This is definitely not one of those blogs.

Skyrim is amazing. Google it if you don't believe me. The latest addition to the game allows the player to build their own house, hire someone to look after it, move in their family, adopt kids, and even plant...plants. Potatoes, I guess. Or weed. Possibly weed.

I lazily hired a steward to decorate my house because I didn't want to bother collecting supplies and building the different furnishings. So what did my steward do? I paid him a little money to go get the stuff and he decorates my entire house perfectly. Perfect trophy room, perfect bedroom, perfect kitchen and perfect everything. It was amazing. Anything I could think that I would have wanted, he made it happen. It's like he knew exactly what I wanted and just went ahead and did it all for me so I wouldn't have to lift a finger and I could focus on killing dragons. In addition to this, I hired a bard who pretty much just wanders around and plays music when I ask.

Could you imagine having this in real life? If you're on the crapper and you need some theme music, your bard is there with his lute. Spicing up the chores of laundry and dusting with some harp jams? Hell yes. As for a steward, imaging coming home from the grocery store and he puts everything away. In the right places, even. He will find you whatever you want and then go across the world to get it for you in a matter of days. Plus, he's hot. And fights off bandits. But actually does stuff for you.

A steward would really add to my life. I'd probably be much happier and healthier. I could just sit in bed, watching The Office, and let him go to work on making my house perfect. I need to look into this.

My blog for the day is Stories About My Underpants. It's great and hilarious. Plus the website is pretty. That's not the best description ever but I have to get back to killing dragons.

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