Friday, August 31, 2012

I'm funny in Brazil but not Switzerland

Today I had to hire someone to help me figure out what SQL is. I still don't really know what it is. So, I went online to a website that specializes in freelance computer people.

I figured I would send a few of them messages and see if I got any response. Within minutes I had about 10 people wanting to help me. Two of them were from Brazil and three were from Switzerland. And because I use humor to break the ice in all situations...I tried to be as friendly and funny as humanly possible. It was a veritable orgy of haha's and lol's. They asked me questions about what kind of project it was and even told me what the weather was there - even though I totally didn't ask them! The orgy ended when I went over to the Switzerland side of things.

Fuck those cute dogs with alcohol around their necks. These people were like Heidi's grandfather before he decided to stop being a douche.

Me: I am looking for someone to help finish up some code a friend of mine wrote for his game. It's SQL and I have the files you'll need. Can I send them over and you give me an estimate on how long you think this might take?
Switzerland People: Yes. Send them over. We will be in contact.
Me: Great! Thanks a lot for looking them over. I'm just awful when it comes to this kind of thing. I better let a professional handle it, haha. I might do more harm than good.
SP: You cannot do harm. It is a computer code. You can't hurt a string of code on a computer.
Me: Ah, you're right. I guess I'll toss out my butcher knife then, heh.
SP: Why do you have a knife? Code is my physical. It doesn't bleed. Are you serious about this project or do you lie to us?

Thankfully I found someone that was willing to help me and laugh at my butcher knife jokes. They might have just been laughing because I'm paying them to help me finish the code...but I'll take what I can get. Maybe there's some kind of gap between how people in Switzerland read messages and how the people in Brazil read it. I imagine the people in Brazil were playing around on the beach all day, basking in the sun in their little Speedo's. And the Switzerland people were up in the Alps dealing with snow drifts and a lack of alcohol because their dogs are out playing in the snow.

I guess I can't blame them. I'd be kinda bitchy too if I didn't have any alcohol and I had to eat that crap Heidi's grandfather gave her in the movie.

Today's featured blog is Left of Plumb and it's pretty great. Depending on when you might see a post beginning with a debate on whether Hobo is an acceptable term. Irene is great. You should visit her and comment.

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